Heartbreak Warfare
by beautybeholderx
Summary: Set during Season Two: Chuck vs the Breakup. My thoughts that were going through Sarah's head as Chuck and her had their conversation outside his home. Reviews are loved! :


Ooc; … yep, another one. Heh. This is based off of the end of Chuck vs the Breakup in Season 2. I'm almost done the second season, but this part just broke my heart. You could tell Sarah had so much to tell Chuck, and he just let out how he felt – and clearly broke her heart.  
>My thoughts on what she would've told him, if he had taken the chance to shut his mouth and listen. Reviews are loved and appreciated! :)<p>

"What do you see in the nerd, anyways?"  
>The question hung in the air as a young blonde continued closing fruit and topping holders, turning off the light display counters for the different flavors of frozen yogurt.<br>A young man continued to watch her, awaiting his answer, as he poked at his own little cup of frozen yogurt. Sarah was now avoiding his gaze, as she took in a deep breath.  
>"I never said I had feelings for him, <em>Casey<em>."  
>"You didn't have to, <em>Sarah<em>."

She resisted the urge to punch him, as she set down a cup of spoons on top of the counter.  
>"Why don't you just tell him? You two talk it out, so I don't have to be a third wheel anymore."<br>Sarah glared over at him now, as Casey smirked, winking towards her tauntingly.  
>"Shut it, Casey. Don't you have some conversations to eavesdrop on at his house, anyways?" she replied sharply, as Casey rolled his eyes, opening the door.<br>Before he left however, he turned back towards her. "It doesn't make you a bad agent, Sarah. It happens to the best of us."  
>Sarah blinked, hearing this. If the store hadn't been completely silent, she would've told herself that she had imagined him saying it. And before she could ask him, he was gone, heading to his car.<p>

Rubbing her temples in frustration, Sarah took in a deep breath.  
>She could tell Chuck. What was the harm in that, anyways? He obviously felt the same way.<br>Then it was final. She was going to tell him.

_Later that week …_

Her hands were shaking, her head was spinning.  
>They were walking hand-in-hand to their 'fake' date at Chuck's house, Ellie and Awesome waiting inside for the two of them to arrive so they could watch a movie all together, then eat some pizza and discuss wedding details.<br>Now was the perfect time, wasn't it?  
>As they came to the door Sarah took in a deep breath, taking both of Chuck's hands into her own. His thumbs came to stroke her skin, something that made her heart pound – shivers to run up her spine as she looked up at him.<p>

"Chuck, I need to tell you something," she said quietly, as he nodded.  
>"What's up?" he replied, his brows furrowing in slight confusion.<br>Taking in a shaky breath, she averted her gaze, biting her lower lip in thought.

It was now or never, wasn't it?

Gripping his hands she opened her mouth, as a familiar finger came under her chin. Gently, Chuck moved her eyes to tip upward and look into his own, as he nodded for her to continue.  
>"A while back, Bryce and I we – well, we got together. Not like the Andersons, we were really together." she paused, this was going to be harder than she thought.<br>"So you're breaking up with our fake relationship because you want to be with Bryce now that he's alive?" the disappointment in his voice almost broke her heart, as she felt his hands slowly pulling out of her own.

No, no, no. She wasn't going to lose him, not now.

"No – Chuck, no, let me talk." Sarah said quickly, her hands gripping his own, not letting them leave her grasp. He said nothing then, brows still furrowed, as he waited patiently.  
>"You, are – well, I've worked a really long time with the CIA. I've built up a fake reality for myself. Fake name, fake everything, Chuck. Nothing about me – people really know, except for my father," she paused, attempting to find her ground, as she gripped his hands gently. "but I don't want that anymore. When all of this is done, the mask is coming off. I'm leaving the CIA, Chuck. I'm going to leave, and we're going to start our lives together. I'm sick of the lies, all the cover ups. You make me want to be me."<p>

Silence.  
>The look on Chuck's face was one Sarah couldn't make out, as she felt her heart drop.<br>He didn't feel the same way.  
>She had read it wrong the whole time.<br>"I – I'm sorry, Chuck. I thought you felt the same way. I feel like such, such an idiot -"  
>She went to leave, rush to her car and hide under her bed for as long as she could. But before she could walk away, she found herself in a similar spot she'd been in with Chuck earlier that week.<br>He held onto her hand, pulling her close, that silly grin he had on his face etched on his features. He didn't say a word then, pushing a lock of blonde hair from her face.

And leaning in, he pressed a kiss to her lips. Soft, gentle, loving. His hand came to rest behind her head, cradling it there, as Sarah leaned into his embrace.  
>Yes, it was perfect.<p>

_In reality..._ _  
><em>  
>Her hands were shaking, as they walked through his familiar courtyard. His hands were shoved in his hands in the awkward way they always were, whenever they walked to his door.<br>His lips were curved in that goofy grin as he shot it towards her, causing the knots in her stomach to tighten.

She could throw punches and kicks so easily, without a second thought to it. But the thought that she was about to spill her true feelings about Chuck made her feel as though she was about to hurl.  
>Pressing her lips together she attempted to focus on his rambling, something about a new type of computer that was being shipped to the Buy More, Sarah brought herself to smile and nod at the appropriate times.<p>

They rounded a small corner, the two of them going to sit on the edge of the fountain. Sarah attempted to sit a little closer than usual, in an attempt to calm herself.  
>As she took in a deep breath she could smell the familiar scent of Chuck – the smell of new wrappings for electronics, a little bit like wood shavings (Sarah could never really understand where that smell came from, really) and the small hint of mint. It was intoxicating to her, she could find herself never really satisfied for whatever period of time she spent with him, she'd always want him a little bit closer for a bit longer.<br>She pushed this from her mind however, bringing her two hands closer together. Could he see her shaking? Hear her nervous breathing?  
>Pushing this from her mind she looked to him, feeling the moment slowly coming into her grasp now.<p>

It was now or never.

"Okay, so -"  
>"Okay -"<br>They'd begun to talk at the same time, as Sarah soon felt her mouth close up. In that moment Chuck took the lead, as Sarah found herself unable to bring the words out.

As he talked however, the hope began to build inside of her. He had that smile on his face, the twinkle in his eye, and he was clearly building up to tell her about his feelings for her.  
>It was as if that moment in the Dr. Suess novel, about the Grinch, when his heart grew three sizes. Sarah felt as though her heart was doing the same thing – as her smile continually grew.<br>About to bring her hand to take his own – a word, a very simple word stopped her.

"... but -"  
>But. It was the but that changed everything, that squashed the hope that was building in her heart. In the few moments before Sarah had unintentionally giving her heart to Chuck, and he was throwing it into her face.<br>Didn't he get it?  
>She risked her life for him, countless time. She went against Bryce's orders to go after him. She practically told the damn man that she loved him, and what was he doing?<br>Sarah was sure he wanted her. And he did, or though he did. But instead, he wanting someone who was normal. Someone he could have a normal life with. What was normal to him, anyways?

He clearly had no idea what she was planning on telling him.  
>As he stood there, breaking her heart with every word, Sarah attempted to keep herself together. He would never know, never know the promise she was going to make to him.<br>He didn't deserve to know.

Feeling the tears sting her lips Sarah stood, going in front of the door as she bit her lower lip to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.  
>He gave her a few moments to bring herself together before coming up beside her, taking her hand as he knocked on the door.<p>

Ellie and Awesome welcomed them in, all smiles and laughs, as Sarah faked the best one she could.  
>She couldn't help but give one last look, turning around to find Chuck already looking at her.<br>Sarah took a moment, taking him all in, as she took in a shaky breath.

Chuck Bartowski, the man she'd always wanted, but could never truly have. 


End file.
